Wraithes on Wings Airlines
by Bunny Hooded Bombchu
Summary: Yes, I've at last brought this back from the dead! Anyway, this is what happens when you throw some ringwraithes and some LotR guys, and some other assorted peoples on a plane. Warning: This fic may make you dumber. Will result in randomness.
1. The ghost of something odd

Hi all!!! This is the first of my reincarnated scriptfics. Which means that took it off because of the mere format its in, and now I've reformatted it at last!!!! But still, taking off all scriptfics is the stupidest idea in the history of anything.

* * *

WRAITHES ON WINGS AIRLINES!

"Welcome to Wraithes on Wings Airlines. We hope you enjoy your flight today. Please note that the fasten seatbelt sign has been turned on, and-HOLY CRUD!! THE HEDGEHOG'S GOT MEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeee........" said the mysterios voice on the intercom, that was probably a pilot.

"Good.", said the random hedgehog sitting behind Sam and Frodo.

"So Mr. Frodo," said Sam, looking up from his Better Hobbit Holes and Gardens magazine, "Where are you headed?"

"Gandalf and I are going to Rohan to see the sights." Frodo lowered his voice to a whisper. "Then we're going to the Shire, for the reformatting of What They Should Have Done."

"Oh," said Sam cheerily. "I'm going into hiding. Bunny Hooded Bombchu's after me, along with a group of assorted Redwall charecters."

Suddenly, Frodo ducked down, dragging Sam with him. "Shut up! Gandalf's coming. He doesn't know about reformatting WTSHD."

"So?"

"Watch." Then, Frodo stood up and called to Gandalf. "Hoy! Gandalf!"

"Yes, my hobbity friend?" said Gandalf, happily waving.

"Uhh...Hypothetically, what would you do if BHB decided to reformat What They Should Have Done?" asked Frodo.

"I'd take my anger out of you by ripping out your intestine and whipping you with it." then Gandalf goes all creepy like. "No one would escape my wrath. NO ONE!!!!!!!! Sauron would get the ring, and I'd stuff all the hobbits with sausages and EAT THEM!!! And Bunny Hooded Bombchu...heheheheh...she'd-"

"Ok then, thats good to know." said Frodo, once again turning to Sam. "See what I mean?"

"Oh crud, here comes BHB."

Sure enough, yours truly was running about the plane, with an otter and a badger. "My Gollum abuser senses are tingling!!  C'mon, mates!"

The badger, named Cregga Rose Eyes, tested her battle axe aganst her paw. "I just hope you found the right plane."

"I'm never wrong!" said Bunny Hooded Bombchu, triumphantly.

The otter, whose name was Deyna, objected. "Remember that one time when we were hunting Faramir and you-"

"There's Sam!!"

"HELP ME!!!!!" cried dumb ol' Sam as BHB grabbed him and pulled him into the mysterious back room of the plane.

Several screams were heard, and BHB walked out, covered in blood. "Another Smeagol abuser down!"

Then the Ringwraithe pilot guy runs out of the...place where pilots...pilot? (if you lived with my little brother, you'd be stupid too.) Anyway, he runs out, chased by a hedgehog wearing an apron. Yes, this hedgehog is none other then HEDGEWIFE MYRTLE THE PUNISHER!!!! Screaming blue murder, the pilot guy jumps of the plane, Myrtle following close behind.

And then Frodo says what everyones thinking. "But, if theres no pilot guy, then whos flying the plane?"

"..."

AND THE PLANE EXPLODES IN A BLAST OF FIERY FIRE!!!!!!!

Dee end. For now. Theres other chapters to reformat. Please review.


	2. The second ghost of something odd

the second installment of WOWA. enjoy it. or die. or play sonic adventure battle 2. or frolic through your moms flower garden and then get yelled at for killing the marigolds and columbines and daisys. you deserve it you killer!

Wraiths on Wings Airlines!

"I am pleased to inform you that the hedgehog is dead. Hopefully. Ahem. Anyway, we hope you enjoy your flight with us today." said the mysterious voice that was probably a pilot.......OR HEDGEWIFE MYRTLE THE PUNISHER DISGUISED AS-

"I'm right here, you moron!" said hedgewife Myrtle the Punisher, huddled in the corner, staring hungrily at the readers.

HEY!! I'm not a moron...sniff

"Yes you are, now shut up!" screamed hedgewife Myrtle the Punisher.

"So Mr. Frodo." said Sam, rubbing ointment on the 3rd degree burns on his face. "I suppose you're going to the Shire now."

"Yup," said Frodo. "But first we're off to Gondor to get my eyes checked. If there's one speck of dust on my eyes, they'll be ruined."

"YOUR EYES ARE THE BEST!!!!!!!" screamed Frodos numerous fangirls, who were sitting all around him the whole time.

"HAH! Yeah right!" said the mysterious dude in the corner.

The mysterious dude is......FERAHGO THE ASSASIN!!!!! (for those unfortunate few who don't read Redwall, he's a weasel with really pretty blue eyes.)

"My eyes are the best! AND my fangirls are smart!" said Ferahgo, surrounded by fanweasels.

"WE LOVE YOU FERAHGO!!" screamed Ferahgos supposedly smart fangirl weasels.

Ferahgo smirked, "See Frodo? Your eyes are nothing compared to mine. In fact...yours probably aren't even real."

"GASP!!!!!!!!!!!!!" said everyone.

"TAKE. THAT. BACK." screamed Frodo in horror that someone might be on to him.

"NEVER!!!! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!!" yelled Ferahgo.

"GASP!!!" said everyone.

"Oh!! It's on!!! BRING IT, WEASEL!!! I CAN TAKE YOU!!!!" yelled Frodo, striking a really dorky karate pose or something.

"Is that a challenge?"

"Yes...Unless you're scared...(cough) COWARD (cough)"

"NO ONE COUGHS ON ME!!!!" screeched Ferahgo, obviously not getting it. "I'll take your challenge!!!!"

Somehow, the plane now has no seats, and its some sort of arena. Gandalf acts as referee, for the thingy.

"Ok then. In my day, there were no need for stuff like this. All we did when people got mad at each other was stab them repeatedly and get on with our lives! Honestly!" said Gandalf, annoying everyone within a five seat radius.

"Shut up, Gandalf!" yelled Bunny Hooded Bombchu.

"FINE!!" yelled Gandalf. "Here's what ya do. One idiot poses. And then the other idiot has to pose better. Simple. Ready???"

"Yup." said the idiots.

"GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Frodo pulls out Sting....

"YAY!!! This will hopefully be somewhat interesting!!" said Bunny Hooded Bombchu, taking lots of pictures.

...And takes off his shirt...

"And now I'm bored." said BHB, pulling a copy of Shakespere's Merchant of Venice, then setting it on fire. Then she starts reading Outcast of Redwall.

...And strikes a pose. (use your imaginations. I'm no good at describing stuff like this...and don't think anything nasty. I'll sense it, and then I won't be able to sleep at night.)

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! FRODO, YOUR SO HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!" said all of Frodos fangirls. (and Sam.)

"Is that all?!?" yells Ferahgo.

He pulls out his mace and chain, takes off his shirt, and does a better pose. Or something. ARGH!! I can't do scenes like this.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!! FERAHGO, YOU'RE THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed all of Ferahgos fan weasel girls, getting nosebleeds.

Frodo does some creepy twisted Matrix pose.

Frodos fans all get nosebleeds. "FRODO!!!! WE LOOOOVE YOOOU!!!!!"

Ferahgo does that, only better.

"WE LOVE YOU FERAHGO!!!! MARRY US!!!!!!!" says Ferahgos fans.

Meanwhile, people on the plane are betting.

"I bet five bucks that Ferahgo wins!" says BHB.

"I'll take that bet!! Mr. Frodo's too hot to lose!!!!" says the guy that has a three letter name that begins with an S and ends with an M.

"Me bet on weasel, precious! Gollum! Gollum!"

"Whats Smeagol doing here!!??!!?? He's evil!!!!"

Then BHB stabs the speaker, Sam of course, with a loaf of bread. "NO HE'S NOT!!! HE'S THE TRUE HERO OF MIDDLE EARTH!!!!!"

"I'm betting on Frodo!!" said Gandalf. "Hes a human!! Ferahgos a weasel!! See the difference?!?"

"ARE YOU BEING RACIST!?!?!?!?!?!?" screams an appalled Smeagol.

"HOLY PIE, HE IS!!!!!!!!!" says Bunny Hooded Bombchu, who attacks Gandalf, armed with a roque mallet.

So...Theres more posing...and more posing...and then even more posing........Until the fangirls realize that they're bored of the guys they cheer for. Then...

Frodo strikes some pose.

"YAAAAAY!!!!! WE LUV YOU!!!!!!!!" screams all of Ferahgos weasel fangirls.

Ferahgo strikes some other pose.

"FERAHGO!!!! YOU'RE SOOO HOT!!!!!!!!" says all of Frodos ex-fangirls. (and Sam.)

"Wait....NOW MY FANGIRLS ARE WEASELS?!?!?!?!?" screams Frodo in horror.

"AWESOME!!! I HAVE HUMAN FANGIRLS!!!! I CAN SELL THEM ON E-BAY!!!" yells Ferahgo joyously.

"So, Mr. Frodo, what will you do now?" asks Sam, cheerily.

"Well.....Now that I don't have my old fangirls, my eyes are useless. SO I'M GONNA GORGE MY EYES OUT!!!!!" Then Frodo used Sting to pry out his eyes.

"............................." says everyone.

"NOOOOOO!!!!! FERAHGO!!!! WE LUV YOU AGAIN!!!!" says the weasel fangirls.

"Cool! Two sets of fangirls!!! Awesome!!!" yells Ferahgo joyously.

And then the Ringwraithe pilot guy pokes his head out the place where pilots...pilot. Yup...still stupid. "HEY!! KEEP IT DOWN!! I CAN'T CONCENTRATE ON THE HUGE FLOATING ROCK THAT WE'RE ABOUT TO RUN INTO!!!"

"Whoops. I suppose this is my fault, since I wrote this." says BHB, casually.

AND THE PLANE EXPLODES IN A BLAST OF FIERY FIRE!!!!!!!!!

yup. now review, or I'll sick Myrtle on you.


	3. The third ghost of something odd

Ah...the ever sorta notfamous Matrix chapter. Oh the memories. Oh, the hard work I put into it. But it was judged a work of laziness, just because of the format.

...Well peoples, guess what? SHAKESPEARE WROTE IN SCRIPT FORMAT!!!!!!! HA!!!!!!!! Take that! Do you have an answer to THAT?!??!! I THINK NOT!!!!! If there was a modern day Shakespeare, would you accept HIS stuff???????? Huh? Wouldya? MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WRAITHES ON WINGS AIRLINES 3!!!!!!!

Lots of peoples are on the plane this time and not just the usual rabble of Frodo, Gandalf, some Redwall characters, and me...But lots of other guys who's faces are hidden, cuz they're reading newspapers so their faces are covered. And this time, there's Aragorn too. And Arwen. And Merry and Pippin. Yay. And Frodos not on this flight. He's getting his eyes done...heheheheh. And Sam's in therapy, so he's not here either.

"Hello all! I'm the new Ringwraithe pilot guy. And I'm focused on our goal! Which is to fly without getting us all killed! Yup...I'm really focused!! ...Ooh! ITSA SQUIRREL!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!! Uh, I mean, I hope you enjoy our flight today."

Merry and Pippin started playing Legend of Zelda: Four Swords. And...That's about all the activity on the plane until a few hours later. Boring, ain't it?

"Yay! I'm winning! I have 50000 rupees!" yelled Merry, being all joyous and doing a dance.

"Aw...I only have five."

"We've been playing for hours, and you only have five? Have you confused your heart containers with your rupees again?"

"Umm...I dunno." said Pippin, pointing to his gameboy screen.

"Wow. You really do have five rupees."

"Oh. Yay!"

And then there is silence. One of the newspaper reading chaps lowers his paper long enough to reveal that he's wearing sunglasses. Meanwhile, Bunny Hooded Bombchu is...not doing anything particularly interesting. Just contentedly reading Mariel of Redwall. And Arwen is looking bored. And then Aragorn pulls out a cell phone and starts whispering into it.

On of the random newspaper reading guys stands up. "Put down the phone Mr. Aragorn. You won't be needing it for long."

He is...ELROND!! Only, he's wearing a suit and sunglasses. At this time, all the other newspaper guys put away the news...AND THEY ARE ALL ELRONDS!! Confused? Good.

Bunny Hooded Bombchu stared at the Elrond sitting next to her, and started poking him. But that's entirely irrelevant to the plot. Anyway...

"Mr. Aragorn. Surprised to see me?" said Agent Elrond.

"Not really." said Aragorn putting on a pair of sunglasses.

At this time, two more agents join Merry and Pippin, who are still playing gameboy. They hook up to their game, and all heck breaks loose.

"Oh no! The blue Link picked me up! AND HE WON'T PUT ME DOWN!" screamed Merry in horror.

"THE FIEND!! I'll save you, Pip!" yelled Merry, checking a strategy guide for tips and junk. But while he was distracted by that, the purple Link got him!

"Oh crud."

Back with Aragorn...

Aragorn threw a phone to Arwen. "Get out of the Matrix!"

"No! I will not leave you!" yelled Arwen.

"I'll give you a dollar."

"YAY!" Arwen then used the phone and disappeared, as Bunny Hooded Bombchu was...still poking the Elrond next to her. Oh well. Aragorn and Elrond started to fight and stuff, and since this is some Matrix like battle, they glow green for some reason. Of course, the readers know that I am horrible at writing action and stuff, so lets go back to Merry and Pippin, who are being massacred GBA wise.

"Oh no! The purple Link won't stop throwing me off this stupid cliff!!" yelled Merry, pounding random buttons in desperation.

"I'm dead." said Pippin, flicking rocks at the Elronds killing Merry. Of course, this has no effect on them, although deep down, they were-

"Oh get on with it!" yelled Myrtle, juggling some beer bottles as some random agents laugh maniacally. Meanwhile, the Agent that BHB had been poking flew away, or something.

And then Aragorn started whacking Elrond with a pole he had acquired along the way. All the other Smiths...uh, I mean...Elronds start joining in the fight. Except for the two beating up Merry and Pippin in Four Swords. Speaking of which...

"Put me down, you monster!!!" yelled Merry.

"Never!"

"Hey! A fairy just revived my Link!" said Pippin in surprise that the fairy had not done anything until now.

"PIPPIN!! TIS ALL UP TO YOU!!!!"

Back with Aragorn, all the Elronds are overpowering him. Eventually, they all dogpile him. Like in the second Matrix movie, only...yeah, its just like the second Matrix movie. Anyway, Elrond starts ranting about how its inevitable. And then the Ringwraithe Matenence Guy appears out of nowhere. (There are nine Ringwraithes that work on this plane doncha know.)

"Aragorn!! That pipe was a vital part of the engine! We're gonna blow!" yelled the matenence guy, waving his arms about.

And then Pippin yelled, "YAY!!! I SOMEHOW KILLED THE OTHER TWO LINKS!!!"

And then BHB yelled, "AGH! We're all gonna die! Redwall books first!!" And then she proceeded to throw her Redwall books out of the plane, where they landed safely in the nearest public library.

AND THE SHIP EXPLOADS IN A BLAST OF FIERY FIRE!!!


	4. The final ghost of something odd

This is the final reincarnation chapter of WoWA. Yup. But I'll probably get bored again, and write more to it. I'm already brainstorming the next chapter. So...yay. This is the Final Ghost of Something Odd.

WRAITHES ON WINGS AIRLINES

The Ringwraithe pilots voice spoke over the intercom dejectedly. "...Just enjoy the flight while you still can."

"Mr. Frodo! You got your eyes fixed!" exclaimed Sam, cheerfully.

Frodo sighed miserably "Yeah, I did. But it cost me millions to get them fixed..."

"How did you come up with that kind of money?"

"Um...I didn't. And now, I'm in debt."

"How do you plan to pay it off?"

"Well, maybe you've noticed all the kids I'm sitting with..."

Frodos surrounded by all these little kids. And it took the audience that long to figure it out. That's kinda sad. EVERYONE, GET YOUR EYES CHECKED!!! NO, ON THE OTHER HAND, KEEP READING!!

"We're going on a field trip!! Yaaaaaay!!!" yelled all the kids.

"Babysitting???" said Sam, surprised.

"Yup."

"Oh. Do you need any help? That's alot of kids..."

"Nah...I've got Merry and Pippin."

Merry and Pippin yell, "YAAAY!!", and then all the kids start cheering, like its some sort of signal.

"Yaaaay!!!"

"The kids have really taken to them." said Frodo.

"YAY!!"

"YAAAAAAY!!!!!"

And then Bunny Hooded Bombchu noticed all the kids, and hid under her seat, yelling about dibbuns, or something like that. And Gandalf was trying to sleep, but all the kids were too loud. And so he began to rant.

"Stupid young'uns...They're too spoiled. Back in my day, we didn't have shoes, and used pieces of cardboard with rubber bands! And that's only if we were lucky! Half the time, we had to use barbed wire! I still have the scars!"

"Oh, here we go..." muttered Aragorn, who was sitting next to Gandalf.

"Back in my day, we didn't have food, either!"

"YAAAAY!!!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!"

"SHUT UP!!"

"We're all gonna die!!! The Dibbuns!! They'll kill us all!!!"

And then Frodo asked, "Hey Merry! How do you get those kids to cheer like that??"

"Well, we just start cheering, and then they start cheering. Like this...YAAAAAAY!!!

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!"

"Cool! Let me try! YAAAAY!!!!"

"..........(crickets chirping)"

".........YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!" Merry and Pippin break the silence.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!"

"Stupid kids!! They never show any respect to their elders and betters!" Yelled Gandalf, over the pandemonium.

For the sake of my memories, and my sanity, the following scene will be performed in time honored script.

Aragorn: Gandalf, will you shut up???

Gandalf: YOU CAN'T SILENCE A DEAD MAN, CAN YOU???? (stabs himself)

Aragorn: ......o.O

BHB: Don't worry! No wizards were harmed in the making of this fanfic!

Gandalf: Or WERE they???

Aragorn: Shut up!!

End of scripted scene

"YAAAAAAY!!!!!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!"

"Mr. Frodo, I've been thinking....is it the best idea to take all the kids on THIS flight? It has a spotless record of exploding on EVERY flight!!" said Sam, stating the obvious.

"OH NO!!! I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!!!!" said poor, badly insured, Frodo.

"Oh well. Even if we all die..." starts Pippin...

"WE STILL GET FAHITAS FOR DINNER!!!!!!!" yells Merry.

Everyone on the plane starts doing the fahita dance to the Gundam Seed theme song!

"YAAAAAAY!!!!!!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!"

And then for reasons unknown to mankind...

THE PLANE EXPLODES IN A BLAST OF FIERY FIRE!!!!!!!

NOTE: No one ever dies when the plane explodes, cuz they all have parachutes...or something...anyway, no ones dead yet! Don't flame me for killing off the children!! Cuz I didn't!!!

Kids: Or DID she???????

BHB: Um....Er.....REVIEW!!! (runs away)


	5. Jazz Bands are better then ur face

"Forget the intro, let's just start here." said Bunny Hooded Bombchu. "Since this is the first actual NEW chapter, I got all our favorite characters first-class seats."

"Hoorah!" yelled Frodo, Aragorn, Merry, Pippin, and Gandalf.

"And that means REAL food, and entertainment." said BHB, readying her saxophone for action.

"Entertainment...?" said Aragorn fearfully.

"Yeah." said BHB. "You shall be entertained by the LJSC Middle School Jazz Band!" Everyone stares. "What? They're the only band I know that works for free."

"Wow, awesome!" yelled Frodo. "I LOVE that band! I have all of their Cds, and EVERYTHING!"

"Uh...We have Cd's? Where'd you get them?"

"Dunno. But they're imported from IRELAND!"

"Uh...sure." BHB took out a memo recorder thingy. "Note to self: There might be a crazy child molesting Irish stalker guy. Look into it, and then buy some Pocky."

Everyone took their seats. Frodo sat by himself, Merry and Pippin sat together, and Aragorn got stuck with Gandalf. BHB sat with the jazz band up on a stage that conveniently there. That's how awesome first-class is. Anyway, the plane took off.

"Hoorah." said some trombone player.

"Shut up, some trombone player!" said the band, who then started playing Take Five.

Gandalf then started complaining to Aragorn. "And now these idiot social workers want to put me in an old folks home! ME! In an old folks home! HAH!"

"Well, if you went there, you'd LEAVE ME ALONE!" yelled Aragorn.

"Correction: If I went there, I'd be dead in no time!" corrected Gandalf.

"That's almost as good." muttered Aragorn.

"I don't really mind the peace and quiet." continued Gandalf. "And they have sponge baths, and that's awesome."

Aragorn flinched.

"But, it's the FOOD I hate. Oatmeal. Every freakin' DAY.

"Mm." said Aragorn, half asleep.

"Now, most people would think that sounded ok. But then you try it, and it tastes like wood. WOOD. Ya see what's wrong here?"

"Mm."

"It's like eating a freakin tree!"

"Mm."

By now, the band had finished Take Five.

"Ok guys, next is Summertime." said the Director Guy.

"My solo's in it." said that tenor guy. "Good choice Director Guy."

Director Guy gave him "the look" and BHB burst out laughing. Everyone stared. "HAHA-sorry, it's HAHAHAHAHAHA so funny! (snort) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Uh...sure." said the other sax player, Galar Maker (read her stuff). "You're crazy."

And then BHB started laughing about something completely different, though no one knows what that was. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Director Guy rolled his eyes, and look to the heavens as if to say kill me now.

"But, we're in the heavens." said some trumpet player.

"Ur face's in the heavens." said some other trumpet player.

"OHHHHHHH!" said everyone. This sort of thing happens a lot. Deal with it.

And so they started playing, but for some reason, instead of Summertime, they were playing Suteki Da Ne from Final Fantasy X. Y'know, the song they play in the background when Tidus and Yuna start making out in the pond. Yeah. The band's weird like that.

Meanwhile with Merry and Pippin...

"First class food is AWESOME!" yelled Pippin and Merry as they feasted like the kings they were on junkfood and stuff.

"Great food and everything...y'know what this means, Pip?" asked Merry.

"Yup."

Then they yelled together: "LEGEND OF ZELDA: FOUR SWORDS ADVENTURES!"

So Merry, Pippin, Frodo and Sam played Four Swords Adventures. (frodo and sam were really bored.)

"OMG, my Link is purple." said Frodo.

Merry and Pippin started snorting like heck. (inside joke, kinda.)

Sam pushed the B button, causing his Link to chop up some grass. "OMG I killed a plant! I'm so racked with guilt, I have to run off this cliff repeatedly!"

"NOOOO!" yelled Frodo, controlling his Link to doing the only thing he could do to stop him: Picking him up.

Merry and Pippin burst out laughing, and it went on for five minutes. Eventually, Frodo and Sam gave up and went back to their seats.

Meanwhile, the band had just played some odd song called Just in Time. And they were just about to play another odd song called All Right Now.

"Hey, we're "Just in Time" to play "All Right Now"." said some trombone player.

Insert cheesy laughter here.

Yeah...

"My name is Sam Gamgee, and I. EAT. BABIES!"

"OH NO! Sam forgot his medication!"

Anyway, BHB decided to take a break, and check on the pilots. She walks into their cabin, turns on the lights, and sees...

Hi2990, and her squirrel minions chewing on the power chords.

"Ugh, not again."

AND THEN THE PLANE EXPLODED IN A BURST OF FIERY FIRE!


	6. Twelve hours of DOOM! pt 1

I just got back from a trip to Europe, and so I naturally had to take a plane there and back. One flight happened to be one that went on overnight. Naturally, that gave me inspiration for another crazy awesome chapter of WOWA.

I would like to thank the nice food at business class for this breakthrough in...Wraithes on Wings...stuff...yeeeaaaah...

* * *

It was eight in the evening, and the Wraithes on Wings plane was now boarding. All of its previous flights were always short, usually about a couple of hours long. But this one flight was special: It was flying to Tethe'alla, and it would take about twelve hours to get there. For some reason, all the usual people felt like flying to Tethe'alla. Which is odd, since none of them even know where it is. Oh well. 

"WAHOO! I GOT FIRST CLASS!" yelled Aragorn, being out of character. Like everyone else in this fic, but oh well.

"NO WAY! ME TOO!" yelled Gandalf.

The happy expression on Aragorns face drooped into a look of utter despair and horror. He ran into first class screaming; a really stupid move considering that Gandalf was going in there too, but oh well.

Unfortunately for him, no one else that was important had obtained first class. But they were close by in business class, lounging about, doing nothing.

Suddenly, Bunny Hooded Bombchu jumped up, yelling. "WOOHOO! I'M STAYING UP ALL NIGHT! Who's with me!"

No one really cared. But they were amused when BHB fell asleep ten minutes later.

"Well, at least that ends the self-insertion in this chapter." muttered Sam, who was sitting next to Frodo as always.

"Yup, this really is one heck of a different chapter then all the rest." said Frodo. "I mean, this flight is twelve hours, so the chapter should be like, a squillion pages."

"Yup. And, we're in business class. And the budget cuts have been getting a little better, so there's actually a movie playing instead of some middle schoolers with instruments."

Meanwhile, deep in the forests of Austria, the band in question (minus BHB) were practicing, and had just finished going through 'Rock this Town'.

"Ok, that was good, let's try it one more time." said the Band Director Guy.

"Mr. Band Director Guy, I don't think I can take that again." complained that tenor guy. "My lips really hurt."

There were many sarcastic responses to this. "Aw...poor baby." "Need a hug?" "Want me to kiss it for you?" said some other trumpet player.

"Look, that tenor guy." said Mr. Band Director Guy. "Look at the random bass player. He gets blisters all over his fingers that explode all over his bass every minute and it gets everywhere! But he never complains."

"Mr. Band Director Guy, some other trumpet player is throwing his skin at me." complained the random bass player.

"What?"

Back on the plane.

"Yeah. Hey, we're almost one and a half pages long." Sam said, looking ahead of him.

"Wow. Already? There seems to be something missing..."

"Like what, Mr. Frodo?"

"Like...ugh, I know this...Heh. I guess I'm not sure."

Meanwhile, a couple of seats back, Pippin and Merry were...reading books. Yeah.

"Ok, now I know what's missing." said Frodo, stealing BHBs cd player and checking the cd. "Oh man. The Moulin Rouge 2 soundtrack. You know what that means."

"No we don't." said everyone.

"It means she's listening to Bolero over and over again. Bolero is what she listens to when she's focusing on Guru un Iorek, her D&D fic. Have you noticed that nothing crazy has been going on?"

"So?"

"THAT'S what's missing. The insanity! Sure, we all act stupid like we usually do, but usually something insane happens to help us out!"

"So? That means that the plane won't explode." said everyone.

"...Oh yeah...The insane thing usually makes the plane blow up." said Frodo. He grinned. "Awesome."

"Actually," started Merry. "I can think of something insane happening. What if BHB gets lazy and throws in her favorite plot device?"

"What plot device?" asked Frodo.

Suddenly, right on cue, Hedgewife Myrtle the Punisher leapt in through the window and started throwing paper clips at everyone.

"Oh yeah...THAT plot device. Forgot about her."

"EAT PAPERCLIPPY DEATH!" screamed Myrtle the Punisher.

All the passengers sat there, trying to ignore the insane hedgehog.

Meanwhile in first class...

"-and then he was all 'Noooo, the palentir's PERFECTLY safe', and I'm like, 'Dude, no it's not, get over it!"

Aragorn leaned forward in his seat, clutching his head. "Oh. My. God. SHUT UP. Please..."

Gandalf just got angry and started ranting more. "Shut up? My GOD, you young'uns have NO respect! Back in my day, we spontaneously combusted if we even LOOKED at an adult! Everywhere ya look, there were little kids ON FIRE!"

"Ok, THAT'S IT!" Aragorn stood up, drew his sword, and looked at Gandalf menacingly. "This is gonna hurt you a WHOLE LOT more then it'll hurt me!" He raised his sword and was just about to bring it down upon Gandalfs head, when the Security Wraith intervened and took away Aragorns weapon. But he didn't arrest him, 'cause Aragorns cool like that.

And so Aragorn sat down and thought for a few seconds. Then he had an idea. An amazing idea that would solve all of his problems.

Meanwhile in Business Class...

"Man, Pippin, I'm bored." said Merry, utterly oblivious to the paperclippy death that was raining down on him as well as everyone else.

"I know, I am too." said Pippin.

"Ya know what this means?"

"I think so..."

"DDR PARTY!" they yelled in unison. So they started playing DDR. Yes, they actually had enough room to do that. Business class is cool like that.

But beyond business class was the forgotten realm of Second Class! Well, not completely forgotten. Frodo, Sam, Aragorn, etc. had always sat in second class in the first four chapters. Now it was empty except for one shadowed figure in row 217 (BUM BUM BUM!) who sat there, slumped over in sleep. Suddenly, it came awake with a jerk.

There was a pause.

"I feel a disturbance in the force." it said.

Back in business class, Myrtle was STILL throwing paperclips at everyone, which was getting really old.

"Some plot device..." sighed Frodo. He looked towards BHB who was snoring loudly. "Maybe we should wake her up? It might not help much, but..."

"No, I think Myrtle will leave on her own." said Sam. "She must be getting bored of this."

Sure enough, Myrtle suddenly burst into flame and flew away. Everyone was soon bored again. Except for Merry and Pippin, cuz they're cool like that. Then suddenly, BHB woke up. "I feel a disturbance in the insanity...Where'd Myrtle go?"

"No idea." said everyone.

"Huh. Ok, see ya later. Hafta go find her before she enslaves humanity. Be back in an hour!" And with that, BHB snapped her fingers and disappeared.

"Ok..." said Frodo. "I'm bored."

"Good for you." said everyone.

"I've been thinking..." began Sam.

"Good for you." said everyone.

"Shut up, this is important! Ya know how Merry and Pippin were playing DDR? Well, they were doing it a few rows back, and they're not there anymore. Where'd they go?"

Frodo looked around. "Good question. Wait...Gandalf and Aragorn are in first class, BHB's gone to find Myrtle, and Merry and Pippin are missing. We're the only ones here."

"Oh." said everyone. Meaning Sam.

"Huh. This is weird Mr. Frodo."

"Yeah it is."

To be continued...

WILL ARAGORN KILL GANDALF?

WHERE'S MERRY AND PIPPIN?

WHO'S THE CREEPY GUY IN SECOND CLASS?

WHERE DID MYRTLE END UP?

DID BHB FIND HER?

WHY HASN'T BHB PUT IN MORE AUTHOR CAMEOS? (I really should...Good news for you, Leaviel.)

WHY IS THE SKY BLUE?

WHY HASN'T THE PLANE EXPLODED YET?

Find the answers to these questions and more in the next crap filled chapter of Wraithes on Wings!

* * *

A/N: Yeah, I'm trying something a little different...y'know, adding some sort of plot. Next chapter is the conclusion (meaning a nice big explosion at the end), and after that, the chapters will return to normal. Tis an experiment. Tell me what you think! Be honest! YAY! 


	7. A Festive Interlude

BHB: Ok, now for the exciting conclusion of--

Frodo: Er...Bunny Hooded Bombchu, there's a problem...

BHB: What?

Frodo: It's Christmas.

BHB: ...Yes...yes it is...And...?

Frodo: Well, we want to...y'know...fly home and celebrate with our families and stuff.

BHB: That's so sweet...too bad.

Frodo: ...(his head explodes)

BHB: o.O;;; Ok, ok, FINE! Sorry, people waiting for the exciting conclusion, but it's Christmas and that calls for a Festive Interlude.

Frodo: Festive Interlude? Is THAT what you're calling it? That's the stupidest---

BHB: AHH! ZOMBIE! (runs away)

* * *

It was Christmas Eve, and everyone was all happy and stuff. It was snowing as well. That was nice. Yay. Frodo, Gandalf, Merry, Pippin, Aragorn, and Sam were taking a plane to Middle Earth so they could celebrate at home and stuff. Stupid move. It's Christmas Eve. Don't you think that's a little late?

"Shut up, we're lazy," said everyone.

"Except for me." said BHB. "I'm the one writing."

Everyone looked at her. "We know. No one cares."

"Blarg."

"Y'know Pippin, this time of year calls for...FINAL FANTASY CRYSTAL CHRONICLES!" yelled Merry, hooking up the Gamecube to a TV that was conveniently there.

"OH BOY!" yelled Pippin, grabbing a controller.

"Back in my day, we didn't have Christmas...In fact, we didn't have much of anything." started Gandalf, droning on as usual.

Aragorn looked at him, and hugged him. "Gandalf, it being Christmas, I will accept the fact that you are a senile old man and nothing I do or say will get you to stop. So, for tonight, I shall endure this in hopes that you might one day accept the fact that I, nor anyone else, really cares what you have to say about anything."

"Like that'll happen," said everyone else.

"Shut up. So, Merry Christmas Gandalf."

There was a pause as Gandalf processed all of this. "So...You're trying to come on to me, right?"

Aragorn stared at him, and walked away so he could sit somewhere else.

"He was SO trying to come on to me!"

Meanwhile on some other part of the plane...like two or three seats up actually...

Frodo: IT'S CHRISTMAS! LET'S GET DRUNK!

Sam looked at him, shocked. "Holy pie, you're speaking in SCRIPT! That's forbidden!"

Frodo: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! We must break FREE of these shackles; They are only holding us back!

"You must excuse him, he gets like that when he's drunk." said Gollum, who was conveniently there. "Starts speaking in script, ya know?"

Sam looked at him, surprised. "Oh. Gollum. Uh...Merry Christmas."

"I'm Jewish."

"...Oh."

Frodo: LET US REBEL AGAINST TEH--(passes out)

They both stared at him. Right about then, one of the Ringwraithe workers passed by.

"Merry Christmas." said Sam.

"The Wraithes celebrate Kwanzaa."

"...Oh. Interesting."

Meanwhile...

"Ok, I'm bored." said BHB.

"But it's CHRISTMAS!" said everyone.

"True, true, but the plane is missing something. ...Ya know what we need? We need some guy to randomly run in with a scimitar and stab someone."

"That's unoriginal."

"Huh?"

"I've seen that before." said Frodo.

"Yeah, me too." said Aragorn.

"Oh...Well...we can just get--"

Frodo: SANTA?

"Uh...Sure. Ok then." BHB then snapped her fingers...or attempted to anyway...and the jolly fat man known as Santa burst through the door to first class. "HO HO HO!" He then ripped off his mask to reveal that he was Hedgewife Myrtle the Punisher.

Frodo: MY DREAMS HAVE BEEN RIPPED TO SHREDS!

"Really BHB, do you ALWAYS have to drag in Myrtle?" asked Sam, groaning.

"Yes...Yes I do."

"Why?" asked everyone.

"Uh...um...er...LOOK BEHIND YOU! IT'S A THREE HEADED MONKEY!" BHB yelled, then proceeded to jump out a nearby window, despite the fact that no one turned to see the imaginary three headed monkey in the first place.

"I think she's lost the gift." said Frodo.

Meanwhile in Venice...

"Ouch." said BHBs Pride.

Meanwhile on the plane...

Frodo: WELL THEN LET'S THROW A HOLIDAY PARTY!

"BOYCOTT!" said the oppressive Christians.

Frodo: Uh...A HOLIDAY CHRISTMAS PARTY!

"Oh. Ok then." said the oppressive Christians.

Frodo: ...Who said you guys were invited? Go away.

"Aw..."

Frodo: Like I said...A HOLIDAY PARTY!

"Yay!" said everyone.

"Who's up for DDR?" yelled Merry and Pippin.

Frodo: Who cares? LET'S ALL GET DRUNK!

"YEAH!" said some people.

"In MY day, we didn't have beer! We had October Ale and it was pretty freakin' sweet." said Gandalf. "We made it out of wood chips, bugs and human blood!"

Half the people spat out what they were drinking. "Gandalf, SHUT UP!"

"SANTA!" cried the little kids that were randomly there. They all ran to Gandalf and clung to his legs. "WE LOVE YOU SANTA!"

"Hello?" said Myrtle, standing there in the Santa suit (sans mask) and waving her arms around. "It's a trick, children! I'm the real Santa!"

"Dude, no you're not." said a Mole Dibbun (for the Redwall deprived, it means a baby mole).

"Foolish mortals..." said BHB in the corner (yeah she came back). "There is only one real Santa...and that is Santa Gackt."

"..." said everyone.

"..." said BHB.

"..."

"...Someone get these stupid kids off me!" yelled Gandalf. "In my day, we didn't have these things happen! Kids were kept in the basement under lock and key until we considered them fat enough to eat! And then we feasted like kings!"

All the kids stared at him in horror, then ran away.

"That was smart." said Sam. "Heheheh. Eating kids, huh?"

Gandalf looked at him. "What, you think I'm kidding? I'm serious!"

"Sure..." Sam laughed.

"No. Realy. I'm dead serious."

"THIS FIC NEEDS MORE TREEBEARD!" yelled Hedgewife Myrtle the Punisher.

And right on cue, Treebeard fell through the ceiling. "Hi everyone!"

Everyone ran up to hug Treebeard. Cuz everyone loves Treebeard. "Yay, it's Treebeard!"

Just then, the Ringwraithe Pilot Dude burst through the door. "YOU IDIOTS! THAT'S THE **CEILING** HE FELL THROUGH! THAT'S BAD!"

"What, you mean it's over?" asked BHB, scratching her head confusedly.

"But I just got here!" said Treebeard.

"Sorry Treebeard, but there's always the Valentines Special. That won't exist."

Frodo: I think what BHBs trying to say, is that Christmas isn't about getting new stuff...it's about being drunk with your loved ones!

"...Close enough." said everyone.

AND THE PLANE EXPLODED IN A BLAST OF FIERY FIRE!

* * *

Frodo: Wait, the plane explodes after a hole in the ceiling?

BHB: Shut up.


End file.
